Art Kumbalek urges Milwaukee readers to toast Indigenous stewards this Thanksgiving

Art Kumbalek has issued a specific directive for readers observing the Thanksgiving holiday in 2026. He urges diners to pause during the meal to honor the Indigenous stewards who protected the land for roughly 3,000 to 10,000 years. Kumbalek describes these individuals as ingenious and asks that their service be recognized.

The columnist, who notes he has another medical scan to attend, suggests sharing a short story at the dinner table for those who are too lazy or broke to bring a dish. The tale involves a young Ivy League man who travels to the South to visit a distant great-uncle on a farm. The uncle shows him the chickens, hogs, and cotton crop. After three days of boredom, the uncle suggests the nephew take a gun and some dogs hunting.

The nephew returns hours later, declaring the experience fantastic. He then asks his uncle if he has any more dogs. Kumbalek presents this riddle as an alternative to bringing a green-bean casserole or a bottle of liquor. He warns readers not to arrive empty-handed like a freeloading fool.

In a separate section, Kumbalek offers a safety tip for the holiday. He recommends packing a concealed weapon in case a relative becomes cranky after drinking too much wine. He cites the possibility of an in-law whipping out a heater to settle a score over a pier taken out by a cottage in Hayward last Labor Day.

The piece also addresses the timing of November. Kumbalek jokes that the month is named from the Latin word for nine, questioning the logic of the ancient calendar makers. He compares them to the designers of the Ford Edsel or the officials who decide what constitutes an acceptable pass in the National Football League.

Kumbalek mentions his own astrological sign, a Scorpio, and asks for cold cash in a thoughtful card for his upcoming birthday. He also solicits advice on setting up a GoFundMe page for cancer treatment costs and requests a bag of large Gold Toe socks. He notes that Veterans Day falls on November 11, 2026.

The article closes with a quote from Kurt Vonnegut, who was born on November 11. Kumbalek uses the line, "A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved," from the 1959 book The Sirens of Titan. He ends by telling readers to fight the good fight and reminding them that he is Art Kumbalek.